Tall promises that I cannot keep

Idealism...I may not be able to live by

Petty philanthropy to get me through…..

Guess this is life…

a night out....

The music’s loud and but I can barely hear anything. With every sip of rum, I sink into a deeper into the empty spaces in my mind…… I don’t like the feeling of loosing control over myself. I keep trying to look and feel normal. I try to speak less as everybody around me seems to be having verbal diarrhea.
I close my eyes to be rudely woken up by a friend…guess I was breaking the social rule!!!!

Time....

I walked into the station to buy a ticket home. It was just another long day at work and everything around me, the noise, the people, the dogs...yup...... everything and anything around me had begun to irritate me.

As I went in, a beggar approached me. He was old, easily pushing sixty or probably older. His legs were skinny and he had barely enough clothes to cover his back. A long stick is all that helped him stand straight.

I continued to ingone him, as I put my hands in my pocket to pull my wallet to pay for the ticket.

Suddenly, his hands made a mad dash for my wallet. I managed to pull it away, and while the shock had still not left me, I stared at him, first dumbfounded, later screaming verbal abuses at him.

He fell down and went into a foetal position. I continued to scream at him before a deciding that he had had enough.

I left the counter, contented with myself, with him on the floor and a croud of people laughing at him.

Not once did it occur to me how desperate he might have been at that moment. He knew he could not run and that it would have been a futile effort, even if he had got his hands to my wallet. Not once did I think as to how many days of wreched hunger made him do what he did.....I guess I am changing now.... or should I say...I have just become one with the croud.

Music in Chaos!!!!

A train so full, its abt to burst. Noise all around you. I hastely plug in my earphones and turn on the player. Its "choral" by Beethoven. It starts slowly and picks up gradually. After a while I look around. All I see is lips moving. There's a salesman trying to sell some pens near the next compartment. I close my eyes and absorb the music.
The train stops and I get down. The world looks so mechanical, so confused yet with a purpose.
All this gives me a feeling of being all powerful.
Like i am superior to the rest.......