Freedom!!!

Tall promises that I cannot keep

Idealism...I may not be able to live by

Petty philanthropy to get me through…..

Guess this is life…

a night out....

The music’s loud and but I can barely hear anything. With every sip of rum, I sink into a deeper into the empty spaces in my mind…… I don’t like the feeling of loosing control over myself. I keep trying to look and feel normal. I try to speak less as everybody around me seems to be having verbal diarrhea.
I close my eyes to be rudely woken up by a friend…guess I was breaking the social rule!!!!

Time....

I walked into the station to buy a ticket home. It was just another long day at work and everything around me, the noise, the people, the dogs...yup...... everything and anything around me had begun to irritate me.

As I went in, a beggar approached me. He was old, easily pushing sixty or probably older. His legs were skinny and he had barely enough clothes to cover his back. A long stick is all that helped him stand straight.

I continued to ingone him, as I put my hands in my pocket to pull my wallet to pay for the ticket.

Suddenly, his hands made a mad dash for my wallet. I managed to pull it away, and while the shock had still not left me, I stared at him, first dumbfounded, later screaming verbal abuses at him.

He fell down and went into a foetal position. I continued to scream at him before a deciding that he had had enough.

I left the counter, contented with myself, with him on the floor and a croud of people laughing at him.

Not once did it occur to me how desperate he might have been at that moment. He knew he could not run and that it would have been a futile effort, even if he had got his hands to my wallet. Not once did I think as to how many days of wreched hunger made him do what he did.....I guess I am changing now.... or should I say...I have just become one with the croud.

Music in Chaos!!!!

A train so full, its abt to burst. Noise all around you. I hastely plug in my earphones and turn on the player. Its "choral" by Beethoven. It starts slowly and picks up gradually. After a while I look around. All I see is lips moving. There's a salesman trying to sell some pens near the next compartment. I close my eyes and absorb the music.
The train stops and I get down. The world looks so mechanical, so confused yet with a purpose.
All this gives me a feeling of being all powerful.
Like i am superior to the rest.......

Far into the madding crowd.

As I turned towards the station, I couldn’t help but notice that face with glazed eyes, looking into the emptiness that covered the market place. He looked uncertain, confused. I stopped to observe him. His four legs were trembling. His body swayed from left to right before he lost all footing and came crashing down on the dusty ground. He stumbled upon his feet again looking even more confused than he was before, only to find himself falling again. His efforts were of no use now as he just lay there, now staring straight at me.
I suddenly heard someone verbally abuse only to realize that I had been blocking his path. I moved out and looked around. People were everywhere..busy in their work. “How could some one be so insensitive?” ,I asked myself. I turned to look at the dog again and found now him motionless. A few kids were now throwing stone at him. I stared into his eyes for the last time before turning and walking on. I had to hurry……my train left in 10 minutes.

Life!!!

Its crazy how life can be…. one minute you feel normal, then a series of events later you feel superior and in the very next minute you fall…. Humbling, a philosopher might say, painful to a mere mortal like me.

Idealism???

He sit in a coffee shop. Its another Saturday evening. He stretches on the couch and is engaged in mindless conversation about a whole lot of nothing. He talks less..Possibly a feeling deep in him that says that he does not belong there. He has reasons not to be 'there'. 'There', in a crazy rat race, in a world of deadline and time bound assignments. He has a dream for his future. Its laced with idealism. It gives him a kick just thinking about it and in the very next minute he think, " am I just showing off", "Do I really have what it takes to be an idealist". He talk about it openly yet try to keep it secret. "What am I trying to prove???", he thinks.
A dog is hit by a car just across the street. He sees the whole incident happen. The dog is alive but but in pain. He is angry...But lack the courage to go to its need. "What am I scared off????", he thinks again. He makes some fuss about the drivers skills 'aloud' and takes a sip of coffee.
It hits him then....... Its all a farce!!!